Ask Elyse

Just when you thought your day, week, or even month could not get any worse, you realize Valentine’s Day is coming up and you are single, and not by choice. Situations like Valentine’s Day and not being with the one who made you happy are the situations of life. However, this is our life, my life, and your life and luckily we are in control of our own happiness. Sound a bit cliché? Perhaps, and maybe you are not agreeing with me because the one thing that made you happy was stripped from beneath your feet and that was something you could not control. You are right, we have no control over why that relationship failed or why someone else is now happy with the one we used to wake up next to, but there are ways around the pain. We do not deserve to suffer and in order for this to pass, we need to want it to and we need to want to be happy again.

To start, the bigger the support group the better. Surround yourself with a group of friends that make you laugh and most importantly, make you forget. You can not control those things that remind you of your ex wherever you go, but knowing you have a friend or two that care so much about you, right by your side, will help soften the blow. Take a step back from life real quick, take a good look at it and recognize what you have accomplished through the years without your ex and that have made you who are today. Go back, recollect, and start doing those things that made you shine, those talents and hobbies that you enjoyed so much. No one can take that away from you because that is who you really are. We were never anyone different when we were with the one we loved, our identity was just glazed with happiness every second, everyday, and therefore it is easiest to forget where we came from before we met this person. However, we never lost who we truly were and by no means did that person make us who we are. We need to realize that we cannot find happiness through someone else. In order to be happy, we need to find it within ourselves. Never forget that you had a life before him or her and when you are ready you can start living it again.

If you feel you need closure, write down how you feel instead. Closure is an excuse to keep dwelling on the past. Many of you may disagree and say closure is necessary to close, lock, and disregard the key that will re-open the past, but I feel that it works the opposite. One closure turns into two, which then turns into three, and then you keep trying to find ways to save the relationship rather than end it. Your support group, your hobbies, and your writing could be the only closure you need. These things are here to help you forget those last couple of words that you thought you needed so desperately to say, if you had any chance in saving the relationship, when realistically it was beyond your control. Everyone has a path in their life and perhaps he or she was on the wrong one. On the bright side, I believe that we are never given things that we cannot handle.

Lastly, whoever said Valentine’s Day is a real holiday? Did cupid sail the ocean blue or stand at a podium and share his dream? No, so if it makes you feel any better, you are also in control of how you want to spend this day. Whoever said you only had to send flowers and candy in the mail? Some people will just always deserve coal.